Journey from 'Nowhere' to 'Now-Here' by Victoria Rose

Journey from 'Nowhere' to 'Now-Here'  
By Victoria Rose

[Intense yearning to know one’s own Self (mumukshatva), as Sankara says in Vivekachudaamani, comes only through 'Grace’ – perhaps a euphemism to indicate that it cannot be explained in terms of the cause-effect relationships, a domain in which mind functions. Mumukshatva begins with the questions: ‘Who am I’ and ‘What is this world around?’ as almost all the Indian sages tell us.

Ancient lore speaks of Ashtaavakra who was said to have resolved these questions when he was still in his mother’s womb. Right here we have the story of Victoria Rose who grappled with these questions as a toddler! Language, she found out, was needed only later on as a secondary adjunct for expression of this burning desire to understand her own Self.

Victoria hails from a strictly orthodox Catholic home in the Midwest.  A born Musician, she is trained in Psychology and has a Masters in Social work. She lives now with her family in Wyoming, Michigan. Her Non-dual “Journey” from nowhere to Now Here is quite enthralling with a graphic description of the undulating terrain one passes through during the intense seeking, only to find at the end that there is in fact no displacement at all in the whole travel!  Her story of the ‘search’ to return ‘home’ forms a real-life case-study narrated in her inimitable and unpretentious manner and is quite instructive and illustrative of the 'process' involved on the ‘path.’  It answers a myriad doubts that usually arise in our minds as our own seeking goes on.

Victoria is available on Facebook with a huge network of friends.  I feel I am blessed for her ready consent to share her captivating story at this Blog – ramesam]

Journey from 'Nowhere' to 'Now-Here'  

By Victoria Rose 


Enlightenment; self-realization; awakened; fully realized; and other labels -- call it what you will -- all of these are concepts of the mind. One can only recognize one’s true nature as presence-awareness, but only right here, right now. There is no ‘future time’ that enlightenment will happen. I used to believe this and desired nothing else but to be ‘fully realized’, as I became familiar with such terms through spiritual readings. And just like many others with similar beliefs, I thought that this is how it would happen, as I waited for such a time to occur. It was always, “when I become fully awake, then there will be no more suffering, no more problems, because ‘I’ will be free from all of that for good!” Sound familiar?

Realizations, however, did happen often throughout my life that permanently transformed how I saw everything, yet, I was still waiting for some really powerful, dramatic experience, one that would define my ‘initiation’ as being ‘fully awakened’. After all, this seemed to be how it happened for well known gurus and spiritual teachers who were acknowledged to have “realized the Self“. Among some of the greatest influences in my life, nonduality seemed to be the highest teachings. It resonated with my own direct experiences revealing my true nature. However, before I go further, I should start from the beginning, from where the ‘most essential question’ occurred, as Nisargadatta Maharaj had once put it, which became the underlying driving force to know the Self.


Unaware of any journey or path, self-inquiry began at a very young age. Memories go as far back as infancy, where there was a presence, as I observed everything and everyone around me. Born the 13^th of 15 children, there was a lot to observe and absorb. One day, while sitting in a wooden high-chair at approximately 1-1½ years old, without the development of language, questions arose within. In order to express the essence of the questions, language is necessary. Suddenly, I wondered, “how did I get here? where is ‘here’? what was my existence before ‘this’? … and, who are all these ‘people‘?” I didn’t know where “I” began, and I wondered, how was it that I could suddenly just “be here”? When the questions arose, they happened all at once, in an instant, unlike linear thinking. The essence of the questions never left, but as I settled into the process of mental conditioning throughout childhood, adolescence, continuing into adulthood, they remained as a subtle part of my consciousness in the background. 

The Happenings:

In my late twenties began a more conscious effort to understand what later had a label, ‘glimpses of the infinite’. Since childhood, spontaneously and out of nowhere, I would suddenly be in a state of Oneness that is difficult to describe. It didn’t matter what was going on or whether anything special was happening that might affect my mood one way or another. In fact, these ‘happenings’ seemed to occur during the most ordinary moments. One instance, as a young child, I was swinging on a swing at the school playground by myself with no one around, when all of a sudden I was in the most blissful and joyous state, completely immersed in love! Such ecstasy! It was so immense, so much bigger than myself, and “I” melted into Oneness. These occurrences happened often throughout my life, and the essence was always the same, with the exception that somewhere in my thirties, it transformed into more of a profound deep peace that never left. These ‘happenings’ were difficult to describe as a child, not having any words to call it, yet, I tried to share it with siblings, then close friends, but no one knew what I was talking about. I thought it was normal and that everyone experienced the same. It was the most natural and familiar essence, and it felt like ‘Home’, and somehow I knew that, “I can come here whenever I want . . . life is so short, so I can get through it!” That was the ‘thought’ that accompanied the moment it happened that day on the playground. I knew this place, this space without words.

It seems funny that I would think about my life as “getting through it” -- that doesn’t sound very normal for a child to think like that. However, I already knew suffering and pain, even as a child, and was very contemplative spending much of my time by myself, despite the surroundings of my siblings, most of whom were older than me. Yet, I felt older somehow, observing being talked down to, as one would to a young child. I understood that this is how adults saw children, and so I went along, knowing that they meant well, and thought, “they have no idea what I know, and when I grow up, I will never treat a child like they don’t know anything.” I felt a natural compassion for my family.

Growing up in a very strict, religious environment, life centered around religion and going to church, where sermons were preached of a “God” who was vengeful, who punished his servants, throwing them into the depths of hell. Whether at home or at church, these beliefs tormented me, and I grew up with this fear, terrified of meeting “God” and going to hell, living with chronic anxiety the first 27 years of my life. However, despite all the anxiety, fear, and false beliefs, the ‘happenings’ would continue to occur, leaving me with much hope that what I was taught to believe couldn’t possibly be true. Still, out of survival instincts, I conformed to the teachings of the church, rather focusing on sainthood, and at a very young age started reading books about the saints and anything that had to do with spirituality as opposed to religion. That was the closest I got to learning about ‘realizing the Self’, which came later in my early thirties when, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, was first published. Money was scarce, and as a mother of two, I was busy balancing my schedule between being a wife and mother, going to graduate school full-time, and doing an internship at a hospital neonatal unit as a medical social worker. So I had my share of daily problems, life situations, pain and suffering, while watching the endless suffering of others, which came with the job. I had no one to guide me or to explain the ‘happenings’ which were direct experiences of my true nature. But, as they were the most natural and familiar essence when they occurred, I did not see them as anything out of the ordinary, because they had been happening since I could remember, all the way back to infancy! And not that I needed affirmations to confirm what I knew through direct experience, I simply lacked any ‘labels’ to explain what to call them. The Mind wants to label everything and to understand everything, yet, I learned that no matter what explanations or labels you give it, the Mind will only be ‘satisfied’ for a short time, and then, it wants more, discarding the initial explanations, and on and on it goes! There is no satisfying the Mind.

Eckhart Tolle’s teachings were exactly what I had been looking for! His words were simple, yet profound, and strongly resonated with my direct experiences and realizations. For the first time, all of the ‘happenings’ of oneness and bliss had a label: ‘glimpses of the infinite’. Not that it mattered, because those familiar feelings of ‘Home’, of total love and uninterrupted peace were nothing other than my natural state -- not this ‘life’ filled with problems and situations that felt like a prison… but I wasn’t free… the ‘glimpses’ didn’t last long enough, and suddenly, the mind would take over again. I went through dark periods which one could equate with ‘the dark night of the soul’. These would last on and off, as I went from moments of deep peace and clarity, interrupted yet again by the mind.

The mind chatter got louder and louder, and I couldn’t stop or control it. Eckhart’s teachings point to our true nature as presence, awareness. One of the things he taught as a means to presence was to watch one’s thoughts as they arose, and know that our thoughts are not who we are, but by catching the thoughts as they arise and watching them, in that Moment, one is aware, present! So, I started to apply this to my day-to-day life, and every so often, I’d look back to check any progress, only to find that the mind had become quieter and the constant mind chatter that once dominated and controlled me had finally subsided. Then a time came when I no longer had to catch the thoughts; rather, "I" became the Witness, the Observer of the thoughts and emotions. It was like watching an “empty show” filled with fictitious characters, which “I” had nothing to do with. And there were times when I watched the ‘personality’ of this form react to certain situations, yet there was no driving force behind the reaction or emotion. How funny! And quickly, emotions would just dissipate almost as fast as they arose!

As mentioned early on, nonduality teachings seemed to be of the highest nature. My first introduction to nonduality teachings was Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. How perfect! His words were so powerful, and as I read them, they resonated deep within my being at the core level with one potent pointer after another, each one like refreshing water pouring down upon me, hitting hard, cracking open more and more realizations, happening faster and more intensely. I could see that what Eckhart taught was the same essence of Nisargadatta’s teachings -- they just used different pointers. Other nonduality teachers whose pointers rang loud and clear and resonated deeply with my own direct experiences, were ‘Sailor’ Bob Adamson and Stephen Wolinsky (both direct students of Nisargadatta Maharaj), Ramana Maharshi, Ramesh Balsekar, Papaji, Robert Adams, Tony Parsons, and John Wheeler, among others.

One particular moment that stands out as a ‘turning point’ happened in my late thirties when my body became sick with a serious kidney infection. It had gotten out of control that I ended up in the hospital emergency room, then sent home with antibiotics. Meanwhile, the pain was so out of control by the time I was able to get the antibiotics that when I took the first dose, my body became incredibly nauseous, as I fought with every ounce of strength from throwing them up. The pain was so intense and there was no comfortable position I could get into. Not able to escape the pain, I laid there very still. And there in silence with what seemed to be the most unbearable pain, somehow the pain catapulted me into a state of Presence. It was so incredible! So much bigger than me! It was the most profound deep peace that had happened yet, and there were no needs! Nothing! “I” was perfect in that Moment. The pain of the body remained, but had fallen into the background, no longer an issue. This perfect state of peace and presence with no words or labels remained. Suddenly, the phone rang, and about an hour had passed in what was ‘no time’ in perfect presence. When I looked at the caller ID, seeing it was a close ‘spiritual’ friend, I answered it. Still remaining in this perfect state of presence and peace, I tried to explain what had happened. But in doing so, the mind slowly returned, along with the pain. However, it marked a profound reference point, in which I understood clearly that ‘I’ was not the pain, an important experience that would prepare me for what was to come a few short years later.

Life continued on with its normal, every day problems and situations, but each moment of clarity made its mark, and as an Observer of the play of consciousness, no matter what thoughts or emotions arose, I was able to quickly become centered again with peace continually present. But my greatest challenges were still yet to come, as this body continued to deteriorate physically. By the time I was in my early forties, jobs had become more scarce and the body couldn’t keep up with the production demands at work. Finally, the body came to a full STOP. I could no longer do my job, and was diagnosed with a litany of severe and debilitating diseases, disorders, and syndromes which made it challenging to do simple things like personal care, preparing simple meals, light housework, even picking up a glass of water was painful. I lived with chronic pain 24/7, and was declared officially ‘disabled‘. The pain made it challenging to remain constantly present, and for a while, I got caught up in the ‘stories’ of how things got so out of control because of “this and this”… but as long as I identified with the mind from which the stories arose, I suffered. At first I felt anger that I was too young for this to ‘happen’, but that didn‘t last, and sadness took its place, as I grieved over the loss of my ‘identity’ with the body and all its physical capabilities, over which I had no control, along with fear of not being able to take care of myself without some kind of help. As my condition worsened, the fear of dying would occur each night just before bedtime. I remained silent, not wanting to give energy to the fear, and when morning would come, the fear went with it. This continued on for several weeks. My dreams were very vivid, and then one night, I had a dream of my own death. My parents and siblings were in it. In the dream, somehow it was known that I would die the next day, and there was also a baby, whose death was also to happen the same day as mine. My family was beginning to eat supper, and my mother said that the baby could not have any food since it would die the following day, along with me. That made me very sad. I picked up the baby, holding it up before me and started crying very hard! I was more saddened by its death than my own. Then, it came for me to die, and when I died, I woke up from the dream. I couldn’t shake it off right away. I was too afraid to move or get up. And, as the day went on, I could still feel the essence of the dream. However, the feeling wore off by the following day, and several days later, it dawned on me that the ‘baby’ in the dream was ‘me’! Only in the dream, the baby was not an infant, but about the age I was when the questions first arose about my existence and how I got ‘here’. It was evident that I was witnessing my own death, both as the ‘baby’ from when the questions of my identity first arose, and as the ‘adult’ -- it represented the death of identification with this form. Since that dream, fears of death have no longer been an issue.

Another most profound realization occurred around the same time that I had the dream. While sitting at my computer, just gazing into nowhere, all at once it was clear that there was no ‘person’, no ‘individual’ in this form called, ‘Victoria’ . . . it was all consciousness -- everything was consciousness, and ‘I’ wasn’t even the consciousness. None of it had anything to do with ‘me‘. In that Moment of Clarity, the ‘I’ fell away, as did all concepts. It was most freeing! To no longer be burdened with any ‘identity’… nor did I ‘attain’ anything, rather, all that was false just fell away. As ‘I’ was never separate from my true nature, how could there be anything to attain?

This realization did not just ‘happen’ and then fade away. What was realized in that Moment continues to be in the ever-present now. The next day while driving in my car, everything was different. I saw everything as consciousness without labels. There were no problems, no fears or anxiety about anything -- just profound peace. I hadn’t seen it quite this way before, but it was obvious and ordinary and extraordinary all at once. This was the most powerful realization yet, as it changed how I saw everything from that Moment on.

Then, a few weeks later, the mind crept in once again. How could this be, I wondered? What doubts could there be after letting go of the identity with the body? Was there something that I still identified with causing some doubts? As I sat in stillness and silence, it became evident that somehow I was still ‘waiting’ for some “grand awakening” experience that would define my own ‘realization of the Self’. And since I had no teacher that I could call or ask questions in order to clear these doubts, no self-realized being that I could talk to (that I personally ‘knew’) that I could call and get a definite, “you’re good to go!” ‘PASS’ that would make it ‘official’ that I had finally ‘made it’, once more I found myself caught up in the Mind.

Somehow, everything just fell into place. I came across a book by John Wheeler. I had never heard of him before, so I was hesitant. I read that he had searched for 25 years, and then one day he met ‘Sailor’ Bob, and that, “He just laid it all out on the table. I never heard it so clearly from anybody.” [John Wheeler, ‘You Were Never Born‘] Already familiar with the pointers of ‘Sailor’ Bob, I could see how John could easily become ‘CLEAR’, as he put it. John said that after that meeting with Bob, that was it! There were no more doubts, no more questions. Very impressed by this, I started reading John‘s book, and within the first several pages, the clarity became so obvious, that at once, everything was CLEAR! I mean, everything that pointed to my true nature as presence-awareness that I had directly experienced so many times! It was all there, and it had been there all the time! All of my questions and doubts disappeared upon reading the first few pages of John’s book. It wasn’t anything new. Somehow, it was just the way that John‘s words were so clear (to me), that this time the mind was finally silent! It had nothing more to say! I emailed John, thanking him for doing for me what ‘Sailor’ Bob had done for him. Not knowing whether he would get my email or not, as I didn’t know if he received hundreds of emails daily, and/or if he read them himself, or had others read them for him. I just didn’t know. But, the very next day, John responded to me:

“Thanks for sending along the detailed e-mail. I appreciated reading about your experiences and insights. This all sounds very direct and to the point. It is great that you see that the notion that "someday something will happen in a future time" is only a presently arising concept in the ever-fresh "presence-awareness" being pointed to. With this insight, you see that what you are seeking for is already what you are, already present and already attained. This, of course, undercuts all of our previously held assumptions -- the main one being that we exist apart from the one reality or true essence.  Anyway, I am happy to hear that these basic points are clear for you!” ~ John Wheeler

And so the doubts were put to rest once and for all. It’s funny how the mind can be so persistent, creating so much doubt and chaos! Even in the presence of my true nature (how many times?), it crept in again and again, just when I thought that was it!

Teachers appear in many forms and many forms appear as teachers. Yet, there is nothing that we need to learn. We are not separate from THAT which we already are, which is presence-awareness. If you seek it, you will not find it, because you ARE it! Words can only point to it. And whatever pointers assist one in recognizing one’s true nature can be considered useful, provided one does not mistake the ‘pointer’ for THAT being pointed to.
So, if any of this resonates with anyone, please be relieved to know that the only thing standing between you and who you are is really NO-THING! Because the mind is part of the appearances and disappearances that arise and fall within Awareness. The mind is finite and will never understand THAT which is infinite, which is what you ARE. So, whatever torments you, keeping you in suffering, know that it is only the mind -- the finite mind, which cannot really come between you and your true nature. You are perfect as you are, right here, right now. There is nothing for you to do, nothing to seek, and nothing to be attained. Nor is there any ‘future time’ or ‘someday when…’ that all will be ‘realized’. You can only know your true nature as simple, ordinary presence-awareness, but only right here, right now.
For An Interview with Victoria By Non-Duality Magazine: Click here

THE STORY BY VINCENT FLAMMINI

THE STORY

By Vincent Flammini

[“Whenever doubt or worry or urgency or straining or efforting or hopelessness or certainty or ease or, well, anything arises, do nothing.  Rest. … No matter what thoughts or books or self-improvement programs tell you, You are already fine the way you are.  You are already what you are looking for – but only right now.”

Can any pointer be more direct and simpler than this?! 

Non-dual teachings come in many flavors.  Some are like stones, impenetrable.  Some are like semi-precious stones, vaguely there but not clear.  Yet others are real precious, transparent gems.  Vincent Flammini’s words are like diamonds.   For, like diamonds, his pointers too come with their characteristic 5 C’s -- Clear; Cool; Cute; Concise and Clutter-free.   The quote  with which I began this Post is an example of his teaching. The brevity of his expression and reticence in communication earned him even the sobriquet of “Lazy.”  He was very patient, kind and affectionate in clarifying many of my doubts soon after his own “search” ended.  On my persistent request, he shared the story of how his “seeking” ended about three years ago in  perhaps one of his (uncharacteristically) long of writings.  It was published in Consecration, Vol: V, No.: 3, p: 24, July-Aug 2008.  It gives me a great pleasure to reproduce it here.  A few more pointers adopted from his Blog are given at the end of this essay -- ramesam] 

THE STORY

By Vincent Falmmini

[There is always a great deal of interest about the ‘event’, when realization ‘occurred’.  There are many stories about it from many teachers, many of them very dramatic.  My intuition is that the first moment of realization – the form and tone of it – depends largely on the conditioned personality.  So, in reading this, I would everyone to see it just as another thought story arising now, that is likely not at all relevant in your life – Love, Vince.]

I had searched for years.   I tried every kind of meditation imaginable, as well as a variety of other spiritual practices.  At first, I was searching for enlightenment.  I imagined that this meant I would no longer experience pain or suffering and that I would be happy forever and even after.  After years of sitting zazen (the fundamental meditation of Zen Buddhism), the allure of enlightenment faded and I abandoned hope.  During this same period of time (years!), I lived with a great deal of anxiety; on a few occasions, it was debilitating.  It typically came in the form of an overwhelming fear of doom or death and I often lived assuming that I would die before the end of the day.  It was a time of significant suffering for me.  The search changed for me as a result of this fear and anxiety.  I tried to find ways to rid myself of it.  I tried everything and absolutely nothing worked.  Somehow, I stumbled across David Godman’s book about Ramana Maharshi.  The story of his premonition of his own death when he was sixteen resonated with me.  I read more about Ramana which led to Catherine Ingram, Ppapji, and a number of other nondual teachers. 

I read and listened to tapes and tried to ‘will’ myself into seeing/experiencing whatever it was they saw and experienced.  Nothing worked.  I looked further, finding more teachers, more tapes to  listen to and more books to read.  Frustration began to build.  I felt desperate.  I felt hopeless.  Sailor Bob Adamson’s writings helped tremendously, and he suggested I speak with John Wheeler.  John spent a good deal of time on the phone with me, doing what he could to point out the obvious.  I also spoke with John Greven, Stepehen Wingate, Joan Tollifson, Gilbert Schultz, and Annette Nibley.  All of them helped and were very generous with their time and attention, and sometimes, it seemed the ‘nickel had dropped’.  However, each time, the habitual thoughts would reassert themselves and clarity would (seemingly) disappear.  This back and forth searching and suffering went on for many years.

Just Stop Looking!:

Finally, feeling increasingly desperate, hopeless, anxious, and frantic, I called Annette Nibley again.  She suggested this approach may not be the right one for me.  Something in me clenched.  I was suddenly sitting at the top of a 100 foot pole.  I couldn’t stay where I was and I couldn’t go anywhere else.  I had tried so many paths and so many teachers.  I told her that returning to them felt like someone pouring sand in my mouth.  I had no choice.  She began describing her experience of realization to me and, as she did, something inside of me broke open.  I began describing the very same thing to her – in the moment, the current experiencing of life. Annette asked me a few questions, testing my understanding, and then said, “You are done.  It is over.  You can stop looking.  This is it.  This is realization.  This is enlightenment.”

Upon hearing that, it seemed that a tremendous, infinite, timeless, space opened.  A separate sense of ‘Vince’ disappeared.  My thoughts cleared.  There was a knowing that ‘I’ was the space.  No separation. I felt a great sense of love and connection to everything – animate and inanimate.  I also was stunned by how completely obvious it is.  It was not and never had been hidden.  This clear seeing is always happening. It has never been and will never be otherwise.  I was IT – and so was every other seemingly separate form.  There was a sense of dissolving into this great – yet ordinary – ‘Iseness’.  It was at once incredible and absolutely nothing special.  The experiencing of the realization (realizing what had always been the case) might sound extraordinary or mystical – but it was not.  It is just that from our typical point of view, it sounds unusual.  However, in the experiencing of it, it seemed obvious and ordinary – of course this is it!  How could I ever have seen it in any other way?!

If you take anything from this, I hope you see that the individual ‘Vince’ is absolutely nothing special.  You already are what you are seeking.  That which is reading these words is IT! You have never been otherwise! I swear to you there is nothing to worry about, nothing to struggle with – you are already fine the way you are.  There has never been anything wrong.  We all live in and are a vast sea of love.  Just rest.  Leave your thinking alone.  Don’t attempt to manipulate or manage your experience.  Simply rest in this simple seeing that is reading these words, hearing the refrigerator or car horns, smelling dinner cooking - the formless Knowingness of all these forms is what you are.  You are the Awareness, and the Awareness is everything.

[Vincent Flammini is 50 years old, lives in Springfield, Illinois, USA with his family.  He leads a normal life with all the usual problems of living.  He is happy to talk about any non dual / advaita related questions or questions about psychological suffering.  Just e-mail him (vflam2@gmail.com).  Vince has a blog at http://www.tryresting.blogspot.com/]

Some More Pointers:

“SEEING and SEEN arise together.
Has there ever been SEEING without AWARENESS of the SEEN?
Has there ever been HEARING without AWARENESS of the HEARD?
Has there ever been THINKING without AWARENESS of the THOUGHT?”

“Nothing needs to change in the circumstances or particulars of our lives to rest as peace. In fact, the more we attempt to manipulate and alter the particulars of our lives in order to experience peace, the further we will (seem to) move from what we want.  What to do? Nothing. Relax. Give up.”

“We only know what we are doing after-the-fact. The 'decision' to do whatever it is we're doing is 'made', that is, comes to us fully-formed. Then, we say 'I decided.' Thought is always after-the-fact. What we think of as our 'life' is only known in retrospect. Now is completely unknown.”

“Isness is you-ing you. What a relief! There is nothing to do but rest as we are.”

“Anytime we complain about anything - our coffee, the heat, the car, the kids - it is US creating our suffering in that moment. It is this believed THOUGHT/IDEA of "I" - and all of the requirements it has of life attached to it - that creates psychological pain.  Take the blame. EXPERIENCE the discomfort in the body without attempting to THINK your way out of it. Remember, it was thinking that created it. Don't try to think your way out of anything - especially thinking!  Be quiet.” 

“Allow whatever is happening right now. Right now! Really. Don't make this an intellectual exercise or, if you are, allow that. If there is agreement or disagreement, passion or neutrality, peace or war, anger or calm, happiness or sadness - allow it all. If there is great desire or no desire at all, allow.”

[Also see the Post on 21 June 2013 on Vince:
http://beyond-advaita.blogspot.com/2013/06/reboot-story-by-vincent-flammini.html ]

YOGA-BASED AND KNOWLEDGE-BASED SPIRITUAL PATHS

COMPARISON OF THE “STAGES” IN

YOGA-BASED AND KNOWLEDGE-BASED

SPIRITUAL PATHS

(Yoga Bhumikas and Jnana Bhumikas)

[Adopted from the Book "Yogataaraavali of Adi Sankarachrya"  with Commentary by Shri Kuppa Venkata Krishna Murthy, English Translation: Dr. Vemuri Ramesam, I-SERVE, Hyderabad, India, 2007, pp: 96.] 

A spiritual aspirant advances on the Yoga or Knowledge path in a progressive series of steps called “Stages.”  Ancient seers acknowledged that the true path to liberation lies through only Knowledge-based approach.  A detailed description of the stages in the Knowledge-based practices is available in varAha Upanishad, annapUrna Upanishad, yogavAsishTha and many other scriptures. 

However, Revered Shankara endorsed a synthesis of both Yoga-based and Knowledge-based approaches in yogatArAvaLi.  He did not talk of seven stages of Knowledge-based path as was given in yogavAsishTha and other works.  Though he began with an enumeration of Knowledge-based practices under the title Royal Path (Raja Yoga), he included only four stages of Knowledge-based approach viz. Uplifting the Mind (manonmaNi), Unaffectedness (unmaNi), Null Mind (amanaska) and Deep Sleep with Awareness (yoga nidra) in his discussion.  It is, therefore, instructive to compare and contrast the classification of the stages of the Knowledge-based Path with that of yogatArAvaLi and other works.

Sage Vasishta described seven stages in the Knowledge-based Path in the third Chapter: Creation in yogavAsishTha.  The seven stages are:

I.      Desire for Enlightenment (subhechcha).

II.     Inquiry into Truth (vichAraNa).

III.    Tenuous Mind (tanumAnasa).

IV.    Realization (satvApatti).

V.     Non-attachment (asamsakti).

VI.    Non-perception of Objects (padArdha abhAvana).

VII.   Ineffability (turyaga).

I.     The first stage of Desire for Enlightenment (subhechcha) involves intense desire for  detachment, longing for the company of noble persons etc.

II.    The second stage of Inquiry into Truth (vichAraNa) stands for an investigation of the meaning of scriptural statements after achieving detachment and other related qualities.

III.   The third stage of Tenuous Mind (tanumAnasa) is a reduction in desire to getting involved in   worldly affairs as an upshot of the first two stages.

Stages I to III are usually grouped together in Vedantic lingo as Listening and Reflection (shravaNa - manana).

brihadAranyaka Upanishad was the first to introduce the concepts of Listening, Reflecting and Uninterrupted Contemplation (nididhyAsana).

           i.   Listening does not imply mere auditioning of lectures given by a Guru.  It refers to a mental endeavor of eliminating the apparent (AbhAsa) contradictions in the Upanishadic declarations and to determine with convincing reasoning that all the statements together (uniformly) affirm non-dual Brahman. 

          ii.   Reflection is to dwell constantly on an unbroken stream of thought-waves that “I am the non-dual Brahman.” 

The twin acts of listening and reflection improve clarity in thinking and consequently result in a better appreciation of the meaning of the Upanishadic statements.  That in turn helps in comprehending unambiguously the essence of Brahman which is after all the final objective.  However, one’s intellect does not get unwaveringly established in truth by this process.  That is to say that the essence of truth does not manifest (in one’s mind) like an uninterrupted continuous stream.  Negative thoughts keep emerging and become impediments in having a persistent thought on Brahman because of the erstwhile habits of the mind.  nididhyAsana (uninterrupted contemplative meditation) helps to block the impediments. 

Thus nididhyAsana is an umbrella term for the remaining four stages of the Seven-stage Knowledge-based path. 

IV.    satvApatti is the fourth stage of Knowledge-based path.  satvApatti means to realize the essence of Brahman.  We have already said that such thoughts come from a constant practice of shravaNa and manana.

The practitioner who reaches this stage is called “Knower of Brahman (brahmavit).”   In spite of reaching this level and achieving an understanding that “I am Brahman”, the seeker needs to be on a constant vigil to retain that thought without break.   Otherwise there is a danger that the feeling of identification with Brahman will be destroyed by the overwhelming effects of the impressions from past births.  The 20th verse in yogatArAvaLi makes a reference to this state.

V.     It is advised in the above verse that intentions should be totally hacked.  It means that identification with body, senses and ego that existed so far should be completely eliminated.  The ego will then dissolve and a state of null-mind will be obtained.  Desire for worldly objects will vanish in that state. A longing for the Potent-Looker (Drik) gets strengthened.  The 15^th verse in yogatArAvaLi explains what is meant by Potent-Looker. 

With the mind focused on Potent-Looker, the feeling, “I am Brahman,” steadily increases.  Hence this stage is named as “Non-attachment (asamsakti).”  This is the fifth stage of the Knowledge-based Path.  The seeker who reaches this stage is christened as ‘Better Knower of Brahman’ (brahmavidvara).  The state of such a yogi is described in yogatArAvaLi in the following manner.

A seeker may achieve the meditative state of feeling “I am Brahman” through constant contemplation on Brahman.   But sometimes impressions of objective world (i.e. impressions from past births related to worldly objects) gain strength and overtake that feeling.  As a result the seeker loses that meditative state.  He will not, however, be tempted by the worldly objects because of the fact that he is already established in detachment.  Hence he regains his former state of meditation through contemplation helped by the strength of his disinterest in worldly things.

VI.   There could be many ways through which an emaciation of longing for worldly objects takes place.  For example, a reduced attraction for worldly objects may apparently result from a hopeful expectation of obtaining an immense treasure called "liberation" as a reward.  Such a decrease in desire linked to rewards does not serve any purpose.  What is important is to develop the knowledge that all visible objects are unreal.  In the light of such a knowledge and with the strength of constant contemplation on Brahman, desire for visible objects would gradually diminish.  Eventually worldly objects will not even be visible to the seeker as the process progresses.  It does not mean that he would grow sightless.  What it means is that even if objects are around and his senses cognize them, his mind will not care for them. 

With decreasing attraction for visible objects, mind gets increasingly focused on Potent-Looker.  Slowly a state will come where only the Potent-Looker manifests.  In other words, a non-dual experiential feeling that “I am Brahman” will unswervingly get established.   It results in a very intense meditative state.  It is called the stage of Non-perception of Objects (padArdha abhAvana).  This is the sixth stage of Knowledge-based Path.  The seeker in this state is termed “Master Knower of Brahman (brahmavid varIyan).”  

The fifth and the sixth stages differ only in the degree of stability though the type of meditative state is same in both the stages.  The meditative state gets easily jolted by the impressions of his own past births in the fifth stage.  The meditative state in the sixth stage, in contrast, is not affected by one’s own past impressions.  Still it is susceptible to be affected by unexpected disasters in the environment (e.g. earth-quakes, floods, tsunami, storms) or by some persons who are determined to disturb the seeker.  No sooner, however, the sixth stage seeker will be able to come back to his meditative state of identity with Brahman without difficulty.

A good example to illustrate the condition of the seeker in the sixth stage is the state of a child in sound sleep.  If the child is woken up by the mother, he may partially open his eyes and respond in some broken dialog and immediately go back to sleep.  The seeker in the sixth stage acts similarly.  Interruption in meditation of a seeker in the sixth stage is, therefore, usually compared to a flash of lightning.  The disturbance comes and goes like a flash.  A Master Knower of Brahman will fall back into his meditation the very next moment if his meditation is disturbed by others.  This stage is described in yogatArAvaLi as Uninert sleep or Deep Sleep with Awareness (ajAdya nidra).  

VII.   When the sixth stage is firmly established, it gets transformed automatically to the next and final stage, i.e. the seventh stage of the Knowledge-based Path.  Contemplation, Knowledge, Detachment, Association with noble persons, etc. lead finally to this “Ineffable (turyaga) stage.”  The seeker who attains this stage is called Excellent Knower of Brahman (brahmvid variShTha).  

It follows from the analysis presented above that there is no difference between the stages narrated in yogatArAvaLi and other scriptures like yogavAsishTha.  If any difference exists, it is merely in semantics but not in substance.  

The classification into various stages described above helps an aspirant to grade himself/herself on the path of liberation.  An outsider cannot judge the stage a seeker is in.  A seeker has to make an assessment by one's own self.   Table :1 can facilitate such a self-assessment.  Table 2 gives the name by which a seeker is known at each stage.  An ardent seeker should recognize the stage (s)he is in by making an unprejudiced and balanced appraisal of the state of his mind.  He should then strive to make every effort to get firmly established in that stage.  The next stage will then come about by itself automatically.   With the grace of the Supreme (s)he will then experience the infinite beatitude of brahman unceasingly!

Table 1:  Comparison of the stages in Yoga and Knowledge 
                based Approaches:

Stage No.	Stage in the Knowledge-based Path	Stage as per Ashtaanga Yoga (of Patanjali)	Stage as per Yogataaraavali	Promi-nent Characterist-ics  in  Brief
I.	Desire for Enlightenment (subhechcha)	Sustained Practice (abhAasa)	Steadfast Pranic Exercises (haTha yoga)	The beginning stage of practice
II.	Inquiry into Truth (vichAraNa)	Detachment (vairagya)	Listening (shravaNa)	Taking shelter under a Guru
III.	Tenuous Mind (tanumAnasa)	Savikalpa Samadhi	Reflection (manana)	Beginning of Control over Mind
IV.	Realization (satvApatti)	Nirvikalpa Samadhi	Uninterrupted Contemplation (nididhyAsana)	Get acquainted with the experiential essence of Self
V.	Non-attachment (asamsakti)	Sananda Samadhi	Unaffectedness (unmani)	Expansion of the mind to the Supreme Brahman
VI.	Non-perception of Objects (padArdha abhAvana)	Sasmita Samadhi	Null Mind (amanaska)	Stability in Meditation
VII.	Ineffability (turyaga)	Asam-prjnata Samadhi	Deep Sleep with Awareness (yoga nidra)	To stay as Brahman

Table 2:  Name of the Seeker at each stage:

Stage I     --    Seeker  (sAdhak) Stage II    --    Seeker (sAdhak) Stage III   --    Seeker (sAdhak) Stage IV   --    Knower of Brahman (brahmavit) Stage V    --    Better Knower of Brahman  (brahmavid Vara) Stage VI   --    Master Knower of Brahman  (brahmavid varIyan) Stage VII  --   Excellent Knower of Brahman  (brahmvid variShTha) WISHING ALL OUR READERS   SEASONS GREETINGS AND  BEST WISHES FOR A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR

INFECTIONS OF THE MIND – PREVENTION AND CURE

INFECTIONS OF THE MIND – PREVENTION AND CURE

By DR. VEMURI RAMESAM, published in Acharya J.C. Bose and Ancient Indian Scientific Thought, I-SERVE, Hyderabad, Dec 2008, pp: 76-89.

ABSTRACT: Artificial life-forms were created with less than 400 genes in the laboratory demonstrating that a small number of genes were adequate to support the basic functions of life. Man has about 30,000 genes which is the general order of genes in higher life-forms. These extra genes carry the information required for the survival of the species under ever changing evolutionary pressures. Unlike in the lower organisms, man has a very low ratio of the number of genes expressed in the brain to the number of neuronal connections, leaving a large scope for epigenetic influences to play a significant role in deciding the behavioral response of humans. Ever since man invented group living and cultural practices, the rate of change in the inheritable traits quickened. As genes are relatively slow as replicators, ‘memes’ proved to be faster for replicating the cultural information. However, it appears as though the replication and transmission of information by memes is not under the control of man and memes seem to have developed their own survival tactics of spreading like virus. The pristine and pure mind of man got contaminated over time with enormous memetic information flows, creating a fictitious center of ‘self’ around which the world gets woven as a memeplex.  Ancient Indian scriptures long ago recognized the dangers of the illusory influences on the pristine human mind and described them as ‘maya’. The veiling power and projecting power of ‘maya’ is comparable to the viral-like spread of ‘memes’. The story of Sage Gadhi in Yogavaasishta illustrates the havoc that memes could play on human beings and the importance of transcending the memetic influences. As exhorted by our scriptures, we have to disinfect our brains from memes so that the beatitude of ‘what is’ would reveal itself to us.

Excerpts:

INFECTIONS TO THE BODY AND MIND:

We easily become febrile and debilitated with infection when we are exposed to contaminated food or environment. We are more cautious with respect to any infections that may possibly affect heart or brain as they could turn out to be more dangerous to life. But most of us seldom pay heed to the dangers of infections to the mind. Mind being intangible and diaphanous, any talk regarding infection to it rightly demands an explanation.

The English word mind lumps up a number of processes that go on in the brain. Though there is as yet no well accepted definition of mind in Neuroscience, mind is generally taken to be what the brain does – the sum total of the various electrochemical actions that go on in the brain resulting in the subjective sense of experience, termed ‘qualia.’

All our experiences, activities, learned behaviors etc. constantly leave their impressions in the mind. Vedanta very much emphasizes the fact that mind is the storehouse of all our impressions. The impressions so formed could be within our conscious awareness or unknown to us. However, Vedanta does not distinguish the consciously accumulating impressions from those that get unconsciously stored. The stored impressions ultimately go to govern our future attitudes and responses to various situations faced by us in our life.  These concepts are very much in line with modern Neuroscientific findings. Brain is considered to be highly plastic both in terms of regeneration of neurons and synaptic connections that get modified with every new experience. “Nerve cells constantly create new contact points to their neighbouring cells. This is how the basic structure of our brain develops. In adults, new contact makes learning and memory possible. However, not all contact between cells is useful - most of it is dismantled again very quickly.” Scientists at the Max Planck Institute for Neurobiology, Germany, have now described the technique with which nerve cells evaluate the quality of a contact using calcium ion signal (Lohmann and Bonhoeffer, 2008).

Many decisions may originate in the same brain regions that receive stimuli relevant to the decision and control the body’s response to it in a relevant manner” without any of our conscious effort. Thus our brain absorbs and responds to several environmental factors by itself without us being consciously aware! Therefore, either from Vedanta viewpoint or from Neuroscientific viewpoint, it is imperative that we should observe scrupulous care to what sort of information our brain is being exposed to and which information is being stored in our brain because this information as impressions would influence our future behavior and response to environmental stimuli.

MIND AS SURVIVAL TOOL – REIFICATION AND DEIFICATION:

Some of the classic shortcuts in mind’s repertoire that we find inconvenient in the present day world are: Endowment Effect; Contaminated Belief systems; Familiarity Effect; Focusing Illusion; Confirmation bias; Motivated reasoning in addition to its nature of filling gaps in information to facilitate quick decision making. Present day neuroscientists and psychologists are studying these attributes of our mind and are trying to evolve systems that could compensate for these short-comings so that we could arrive at unbiased truth in scientific research work.

Vedanta particularly laid considerable attention to another of our mind’s trait which may be called ‘Objectification.’ Mind cannot grasp any observation made by the senses unless it positions itself aloof as a distinct observer separate entity from what is observed. This basic lacuna of the mind gives an impression that mind has a separate and individual existence of its own. Vedanta tenaciously made an effort to point out this limitation and strived to transcend it. Religion, however, welcomed and took advantage of another weakness of the mind which is complementary to the quality of individuation. While the tendency to ‘objectify’ can be called as “Reification”, the latter can be termed as “Deification.”

Reification and Deification can be viewed as the fallouts of the universal survival mechanism of ‘fight or flight’ that all living creatures have acquired from the very beginning of evolution of life on earth.

In the face of a threat or danger, mind has to assess whether the creature can fight it out or should run away from the situation. This assessment does require the perceived thing to be viewed as an object in order to measure the organism’s own ability in controlling the threat.

It is equally true whether the stimulus is external or internal to the body (like feelings, emotions etc.). If the creature is unable to withstand to a threat, the obvious thing to do is to take flight and save its skin. If the creature is so weak-kneed or has developed cold-feet even to run, the best thing for its own safety is to play possum. A more modern and clever way of doing it is to ‘surrender’. Man being so fragile and weak in facing the natural hazards or wild creatures, he began to deify them. So to ‘reify or deify’ is the mantra that our mind has learnt as the modified form of the natural mechanism of ‘fight or flight’ syndrome in the game of survival.

Genes, along with shaping our bodies and coloring our hair, constantly alter our brains by responding to experience (Dobbs, 2007). Man outdoes the animals perhaps in the relative freedom he enjoys in the control of his neuronal connections. Our advantage lies in the very low ratio of genes to the number of neuronal connections. About 70 percent of the human genes are expressed in the brain. As a rough estimate, Linden (2007) says that against 9,000 genes expressed in 302 neurons of the round worm, humans have about 16,000 genes expressed in 100 billion neurons. Even if the human genes are more efficient (i.e. produce more controlling proteins), it is far too small a number to oversee all the neurons and every one of the 5,000 connections each neuron has on an average. This inadequacy of genetic control leaves a large scope for epigenetic (environmental) influences to govern the neural connections. Scanning the human genome, researchers found more than 700 genetic variants that evolution may have favored during the past 10,000 years. As per the findings of Blekhman and others ( 2006), “A lot of the recent changes [could be due to] the advent of agriculture, shifts in diet, new habitats, climatic conditions etc.”

AN INFECTED MIND AND ITS REDEMPTION – THE STORY OF SAGE GADHI:

Our mind often forgets things that we need to remember. Strangely it may also show to us experiences which were never gone through previously by us. This is because somebody else’s experience infects our mind and we begin to believe that it was our own experience.  The word ‘meme’ is only about 30 years old in biology. But our sages recognized the havoc memes could play thousands of years ago. Maharshi Vasishta tells in Yogavaasishta the delightful story of how Sage Gadhi was confused and befuddled when his mind was infected by other’s experiences .

Lord Vishnu explained to Gadhi: “You happened to notice a hut put up by a hunter in a hamlet. It made a lasting impression on you. The impression was so strong that that hut of long lost time appeared right before you now. Staring at the hut, you claimed ownership to it. Thoughts and experiences of Katanja invaded your mind. They became your own experiences. You became Katanja. “You thought that your experience in the pond was a fantasy and personal to you. You believed your later experiences to be real. In fact your hallucination, the visit of a sage, your investigations in Keeradesa and the whole gamut of your experiences were one continuous illusion, also witnessed by many others. That’s why the villagers you interrogated could substantiate your experience.  You distinguish reality from dream experience based on two criteria. You think that spacetime configuration in a dream do not correspond to actual space-time in reality. You also feel that what you experience in your dream is unique to yourself and others that appear in your dream cannot have the same experience. Both criteria are not infallible.

“Great Sage! Know the entire world to be no more than a panorama of illusory magic. Purify your mind first to understand this.”

Large groups of memes that are copied and passed on together are called co-adapted meme complexes or Memeplex. “Memeplexes are more evolutionarily successful. These memeplexes may also play a part in the acceptance of new memes which, if they fit with a memeplex, can “piggyback” on that success.” Dr. Blackmore asserts that “all ‘our’ ideas are recombinations and adaptations of other people’s; that all creativity comes from the evolutionary algorithm and not from the magic of human consciousness; and that our inner conscious selves may be memeplexes created by and for the memes.” She argued that, by a process of “memetic drive”, memes changed the environment in which human genes were selected and so drove genes to produce ever larger brains that were better at imitating the currently successful memes. In this way our brains became selective imitation devices, adapted to copying some kinds of memes more easily than others and consequently human beings are no more than Meme Machines!

With ever labile neuronal connections that we have, it is, therefore, very important that we guard ourselves from such environmental factors that can have a deleterious effect on our mind.

CONCLUSIONS:

We are very careful and conscious about the infections to our body and its organs. However, we are not generally aware of the infections that can afflict our mind. Gaudapada tells us that a pristine and pure mind is the inexpressible, ineffable and infinite ‘All’ that ‘is’ in this creation but we falsely witness it as the world owing to infections (blemishes) we carry in our mind. Brain with its highly labile neuronal connections gives raise to ‘mind’ and it is these changing connections that decide what we perceive and what meaning we give to what is perceived.

Genes are the replicators that carry information pertaining to the structure of our body. Though genes do influence the initial characteristic s of the brain, human beings have a great advantage to alter through epigenetic changes the way the synapses and neuronal connectivity takes place in the brain. This results in altered behavioral patterns. These are imitated and passed on by others. Thus does new information about fortuitous learned technique or skill gets propagated in the society. The replicator for these learned skills, concepts, culture etc.  is called a ‘meme’. ‘Memes’ spread like virus. The human mind unknowingly becomes a virtual carrier for the memes – a meme machine. Consequently, a non-existing memeplex gets mapped into our brains affecting our world vision. We begin to own experiences of others as our own and develop a distorted worldview. The distorted worldview we build is ‘maya’ (illusion) as described by ancient Indian scriptures. The story of Sage Gadhi, narrated in ‘The Calm Down’, the fourth chapter of Yogavaasishta, beautifully illustrates the predicament of getting infected by memes and also shows the way to rid oneself of the infection to be able to enjoy the creation in all its beatitude.